just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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