Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you never un-have a 4some
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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