It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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