i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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