I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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