At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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