oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
