remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
