We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
