Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize