OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So many bounce houses so little time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
