Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
