what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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