She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Even my vagina gasped.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
