I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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