I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
