Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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