What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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