im holly from the hills drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
