Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
