I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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