we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
