If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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