You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
