i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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