I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
