Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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