Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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