my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is wine microwaveable?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
