I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
