I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
