i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i came on her dog
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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