you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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