just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
