we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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