She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
