do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
