Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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