Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
