You just made me feel so damn special
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
