I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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