thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
