What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
