Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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