If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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