why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
