i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
