Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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