Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
