Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
