You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
