Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
