But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
