i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
