That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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