shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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