im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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