he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
