Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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