im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
