Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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