Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
