she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
