When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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