It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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